Diwali Reflections

Growing up in the multi-cultural melting pot that is Trinidad, I’ve always celebrated Diwali. As a child, it was so magical seeing the diyas twinkling on the bended bamboo and I spent every Diwali with family or family friends lighting diyas and eating curry on a sohari leaf. My cultural heritage is incredibly important to me and although I’m not Hindu, we celebrate Diwali with our daughters by reading about the story of Diwali, having curry and lighting our diya.

This year, I made a rookie mistake as an allergy parent! We knew there was dhalpuri roti in the freezer as we bought in the summer however I forgot to check the freezer ahead of time - and when we took it the dhalpuri from the freezer THERE WAS NO INGREDIENTS LABEL! In our home, the rule is “if it doesn’t have an ingredients label, don’t eat it” as it’s not the risk we are willing to take as parents of a child with severe food allergies. My mind immediately began telling me critical thoughts about “I should have checked” and “I’m a terrible mum” and it’s easy to get stuck in that self-critical spiral but I chose to hold those thoughts lightly and focus on

I explained to my 8 year old (who has food allergies) that unfortunately the dhalpuri was not safe but I could offer her a wrap or rice to have with her roti. She looked crestfallen as she processed what I said. Her gaze shifted to her hands on her lap and I could sense her deep disappointment and felt the weight of her food allergies join us. It was a tough thing to notice and sit with. Diwali symbolizes light over darkness, good over evil, and knowledge over ignorance - and I knew this was an opportunity for us to think about how she can navigate Diwali.

So here’s what I did:

Recognize - I was intentional about how I communicated this change of choice and chose to be fully present with her. I tuned into her body language and the non-verbal cues. Our home is her safe place and it’s the one place I can guarantee her feeling included and not “other-ed”.

Repair - I invited her to go to a different room with me to talk alone. I apologized for not checking in advance and reflected that this was a reminder for me to check in advance. I validated her feelings of disappointment. I reminded her that her safety came first and this was about celebrating Diwali together. We sat and talked about her options - a wrap, rice or we could make sada roti together. She chose to make sada roti together.

Roti!! - I quickly measured out the ingredients and we mixed it together and she rolled out the sada roti. I popped it on the tawa and she had the biggest smile on her face. The most important part was that we did this together, allowing us to reconnect and for her to feel included.

Restore - We danced in the kitchen after dinner! We listened to Real Unity by Machel Montano & Drupatee, Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi (as requested by my 6 year old), and Jai Ho! This gave us a chance to feel connected physically and emotionally as we twirled each other around, to laugh, and to do something that we love … dance together!

Reflect - At bedtime, we took some time to talk about what happened, how she felt then and how she felt now, and I told her how proud I was of her for using her words so that we could come up with a solution. We talked about what we did to celebrate Diwali and I shared a story of Diwali in Trinidad. After I tucked her in and made myself a cup of tea, I took a moment to reflect on my own actions and choices; and instead of getting sucked into my inner self-critical voice, I chose to meet myself with compassion and kindness and thought about how I would manage a similar situation in the future.

For those that celebrate Diwali, may the spirit of Diwali illuminate your life with joy, love and prosperity.

Love and light,

Daniella